WHO applaud Taliban for ensuring mandatory female COVID protective gear

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KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – The World Health Organisation (WHO) has praised the Taliban for their progressive health policy that ensures all females are fully covered in COVID protective gear.

The Director-General of the WHO, Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, gave the announcement today as part of a global health update.

“And we would like to thank Afghanistan and their new Taliban overlords for such an innovative and drive for their people.”

“We would further recommend that this ‘full protective gear’ be worn by women all over the world.”

“They are fashionable, warm, and above all will keep you safe from both sin and COVID at the same time.”

“In fact, they have the further benefit of not luring men into unsafe desires for close physical viral contact.”

The Taliban welcomed the announcement, and indicated they have been on the frontline of health and safety for a long time, largely avoiding COVID through living in remote caves in the Afghan mountains.

“People always seem to assume that our religious laws around full-body coverings are misogynistic, oppressive a form of gender abuse,” the Taliban group’s top political leader, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, said.

“However, only now are they starting to understand that we have been preparing for a pandemic for many years, and protecting our women is our highest priority.”

“Some liberal Muslim countries like Indonesia downgraded it to a simple headscarf requirement, but don’t they look stupid now!”

It is further reported that the Taliban has claimed that their armed takeover of of the country is actually part of a new strict lockdown program, and that they are only arresting and killing people ‘in order to protect as many lives as we can from the imperialist COVID‘.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more international updates. For a moving reflection of the situation in Afghanistan from local pastors, see this report by the Gospel Coalition.

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