Quarantined man miraculously completes Bible reading plan

MELBOURNE, VIC – Local North Melbourne man and casual Bible reading enthusiast, Mr Terry Isaacs, has shocked friends and family by revealing an extended period of Bible reading consistency, while forced to stay inside under COVID-19 restrictions.

In a feat of extreme endurance, Mr Isaacs completed a month-long Bible reading plan in just 14 days. Making this even more remarkable, the plan reportedly included sizable passages from Leviticus and Numbers.

The event was corroborated by two eyewitnesses – Mr Darcy Tremont, a housemate of Mr Isaacs, and also his local church Pastor.

Biblical scholars have reportedly been baffled by this scriptural enthusiasm, with many consulting Mr Isaacs to learn his strategy in sustaining motivation over such an extended period.

“I’m am utterly amazed by this miraculous feat and feel that, if we can somehow harness his zeal by perhaps touching a piece of his garment, we may be able to pass the gift of sustained Bible reading to others too,” said Reverend Doctor Michael Tucker.

The Damascus Dropbear spoke with Mr Isaacs, today, who was understandably proud of his achievement.

“I really didn’t think I had it in me. I’ve been telling my friends and small group [from church] that I read my Bible everyday but that’s always been a load of porkies. I’ve probably picked up the thing a couple times in the last decade,” Mr Isaacs said.

“But there was something so spiritual about not being able to go anywhere, do anything or see anyone. The inability to seek out distractions really enabled me to finally run out of excuses and give the Bible a good crack.”

“It’s weird how sometimes it takes a global pandemic just for God to get your attention. I’m kinda hoping he doesn’t try to work on my prayer life.”

 

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The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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