Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Uniting Church opt for full diversity by electing Satanist as new President
CANBERRA, ACT – The Uniting Church of Australia have demonstrated their full commitment to diversity and tolerance by electing an avowed Satanist as their new national leader.
Brother Samael Demo-Gorgon, the former spiritual leader from the Noosa Temple of Satan, was elected to the new role by a clear majority of assembly delegates.
Outgoing UCA President, Darlene Pulitzer, gave her full support for President-elect Gorgon.
“I couldn’t be prouder of the Uniting Church’s extraordinary open-minded and tolerant vision for the future.”
“The fact is, if we are serious about diversity, we can’t be seen to discriminate according to petty things like a belief in Jesus or eternal salvation.”
“Inclusion is a pillar of our identity in the Uniting Church, and I’m confident President Demo-Gorgon is the perfect choice to take us down a very broad and open road.”
Brother Demo-Gorgon, who dressed in an unusual ‘Angel of Light’ costume for his commissioning, declared his excitment as to the authority that he had been given.
“I couldn’t be happier. Some said I was a ‘dark horse’ in this race but I guess in the end the delegate’s eyes were opened,” hissed Demo-Gorgon.
“I look forward to transforming the UCA into a church of this age, one that is culturally and spiritually relevant and can bring a new kind of gospel.”
“I commit as President to preaching progressive theology like a roaring lion, being an enemy of bible-believing bigots, and destroying all discriminatory notions of the Bible as God’s authoritative word.”
President-elect Demo-Gorgon has also appointed two experienced deputies, Apollyon and Abaddon, who he claimed had previously worked closely with former US President Donald Trump on the highly successful Capitol riot event.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Uniting Church updates. To see the actual President-elect (who we are sure is actually very unsatanic) see this announcement by the Uniting Church.
