SA Liberals apologise after ‘Pentecostal inquisition’ fires cause excess CO2 emissions

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ADELAIDE, SA – Senior South Australian Liberal, Simon Birmingham, has formally apologised after a routine ‘Pentecostal inquisition’ burn caused unexpected levels of CO2 emissions.

The burn came after the South Australian Liberal Party had determined the need to cull excess Pentecostal memberships within their party, after concerns their presence might impact the ecological balance of the moderate wildlife.

Senator Birmingham explained the situation.

“Originally we had determined the clear need for a Pentecostal purge, but our thoughts were around how to do this in a humane fashion.”

“There was much debate about the most appropriate environmentally safe practice – with euthanasia, sterilisation and game hunting all being discussed.”

“In the end however, the Liberal Party decided to burn all new Pentecostals in honour of their strong tradition around ‘tongues of fire‘.

In a surprise twist however, the Pentecostals, when lit, combusted rapidly in a blaze of glory.

A number of the moderate Liberals standing around were singed in the process.

“Holy smoke! We honestly didn’t think they would burn so quickly,” Senator Birmingham exclaimed.

“We are truly sorry for the harm we have caused the next generation for polluting the earth in such a way.”

“Next time we will commit to either getting RSPCA approved lions, or hanging them off sustainable wind-turbines.”

It is further reported that a larger fire has started to spread across Adelaide due to the Pentecostal flare up, with officials saying that Emperor Morrison is deeply unhappy with how the whole event has played out.

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