Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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President hires ‘best, greatest doctor ever’ for COVID recovery
WASHINGTON, DC – President Trump has wasted no time in securing the ‘best, greatest doctor ever’ to ensure his full COVID recovery.
It is reported that Trump has flown in Nazarene carpenter and renowned healer, Jesus Christ, to oversee the medical procedures during the quarantine period at the White House.
The President tweeted the announcement to his 86 million followers:
“Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19. We have hired Dr. Christ as our personal physician and plan to recover immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!”
When asked about why Jesus has made the service of President Trump a special case, he replied by reminding reporters of his previous words from the Gospel of Mark:
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I do not do house calls for those who are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”
“I have informed the President that I will not leave his side, but there may be some challenges yet as his health is in his own hands.”
“I’ve started by telling him to put down the disinfectant, and asked him a simple question: ‘do you want to get well?’“
Reporters expressed confusion at Jesus words, many hearing but not understanding, and wondering why Jesus wouldn’t just heal him immediately if he had the power.
Jesus looked on the journalists with pity and informed them that they too would perish unless they repented, before passing through the midst of the rabble and slipping away into the Oval Office.
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