Pious Perrottet to mandate minimum ‘seven child policy’ to assist COVID recovery

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SYDNEY, NSW – Catholic NSW Premier, Domonic Perrottet, has announced that he will be requiring all families to have at least seven children in order to boost the NSW post-Covid recovery.

Announcing last weekend that him and his wife Helen were expecting their own seventh child, Perrottet indicated that a high birth-rate was the perfect solution to the State’s development problems.

“Due to the immigration shortage and low-birth rates, the best way forward for NSW is to mandate that all families be required to have at least 7 children.”

“Just think about the math – that’s one for mum, one for dad, one for the country, one for the church, and three for the State economy.”

“We are therefore introducing the new Procreation Regulation Department which will closely monitor all families and ensure they are on track to hit what we are calling the ‘Golden Rabbit’ target.”

“Anyway, it is not that unusual. In Hungary they have not said that people who have 4 children or more don’t have to pay tax – we will similarly be rolling out incentives and punishments.”

“So New South Welshmen and Welshwomen, I call on you to be fruitful and multiply, fill the State and subdue your birth-control.”

The reactions to the mandate have been mixed:

“7!!!??? Are you kidding. If that Perrottet bloke wants me to go through that again another 6 times he’s got another bloody thing coming!” Sandra, 29, new mother.

“You mean, if no one will go out with me then the Government will force someone to have 7 kids with me? I have to say I do find some positives to the policy.” Gerald, 31, single.

“Great idea, but with no upper limit I tell you not just seven, but seventy-seven.” Catholic Archbishop Anthony Fisher

It is further reported that Perrottet has indicated that he himself is aiming for 12, and will then split up NSW into a number of hereditary-based tribes for them to lead into salvation.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more procreation news. To hear John Piper’s thoughts on Christian couples and kids, see his response in Desiring God.

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