NSW propose euthanasia solution where elderly are ‘lovingly’ pushed out onto the ocean

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SYDNEY, NSW – Euthanasia advocates are proposing a new ‘raft-push’ method of death to be included in euthanasia legislation currently being debated in the NSW Parliament.

The proposal outlines a traditional method of death where instead to being drugged to death, the sick and aged are put on a papyrus raft and pushed out to sea.

Chief euthanasia lobbyist, Andrew Denton, indicated that the raft-push method was the ‘compassionate’ thing to do.

“We firmly believe in giving adults the freedom of choice to dispose humanely of their elderly parents.”

“I mean, who needs the unbearable suffering of having to sit down with your elders and convince them it is time to stop burdening society and pass on the inheritance before it is all gone.”

“This new solution of just physically putting them on a raft and waving goodbye as they float out to sea means everyone can die in the depths with dignity.”

“Gosh, it brings a tear to my eye just thinking about how incredibly loving it all is.”

However, not all are supportive of the move, with local super-extreme-fundamentalist-hateful Anglican vicar, Reverend Peter Henson, questioning the impact of such legislation.

“Are you serious? People actually believe that loving people now means killing them?”

“This proposal is like the opposite of the baby Moses story, where instead of saving babies in papyrus baskets we are sending the elderly to a watery grave.”

“The elderly in my parish are terrified to even go to the doctor if this law passes out of fear of never coming home.”

“Lord have mercy!”

It is further reported that the NSW Government will also seek to clamp down on any ‘people smuggling’ that attempts to help the elders on the rafts reach New Caledonia to live out their days in peace without fear of being killed by their doctor or children.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more aged care updates. To read more about a Christian response to euthanasia, see this piece by Dr Megan Best.

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