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NSW Premier announces she is ready for the return of Jesus
SYDNEY, NSW – The NSW Premier, Gladys Berejiklian, has randomly announced that she is now prepared for the imminent return of Jesus Christ.
The declaration appears to reflect a pattern of early readiness by the Premier, who last week Tweeted that she was eager and ready for the State of Origin, despite the game not kicking off for an additional 4 hours.
The move seemed to have paid off however, with the Premier’s NSW team providing a historic 50-6 victory over QLD.
The Premier had therefore tweeted a similar picture over the weekend with the message, ‘Getting ready for judgment day. Go @Jesus’, which she expanded on at a special press conference after church on Sunday.
“Lately, I have become more and more aware of the advantages of early readiness for important events.”
“On reflection, I realised that there was no more important event than Judgment Day and the return of Jesus.”
“Therefore I have decided to prepare my body and soul now in anticipation, especially considering that Jesus said no-one knows the time or the place.”
It has surprised many of the Premier’s colleagues, as well as number of Christian leaders who indicated they did not realise the strength of the Premier’s faith convictions.
New Sydney Anglican Archbishop, Kanishka Raffel, shared his perspective with the Damascus Dropbear.
“Well, I was aware that the Premier was a member of the Armenian church, but she always seemed to a less orthodox faith considering her strong support for same-sex marriage and abortion.”
“I guess it is encouraging to see such a genuine expression of faith and readiness for the return of our Lord.”
“I do wonder exactly what she is expecting however, as I’m not sure the beanie and sugar-free coke will help her with the King of kings come Judgment Day.”
It is further reported that colleagues are concerned that the Premier’s sole focus on the end times would impact her ability to deliver good policy for NSW in the event that Jesus doesn’t return immediately.
Premier Berejiklian indicated however that important issues of State didn’t really matter to her anymore, as NSW was all going to ‘burn up’ soon anyway.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more eschatological news. To read more about politics and the end time, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
