New Australian High Court judges announced to the sound of no-one caring

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CANBERRA, ACT – Two new Australian High Court justices were appointed today by the Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, to an audience involving only two fossicking desert rats and a broken car muffler.

The announcement was in stark contrast to the attention given to the recent US Supreme Court confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett, which triggered violent tantrums from Democratic supporters and a flood of ecstatic COVID-filled tears from Republicans.

The new judges, Justice Simon Steward and Justice Jacqueline Gleeson, were reportedly distraught by the lack of interest.

“Bloody apathetic Australia” Justice Steward was heard to have muttered.

“Maybe I’ll interpret a law that takes away their precious football games, or bans home-brew beer, that would get their attention.”

Justice Gleeson had even attempted to gain media focus by dressing up in a Handmaid’s Tale costume, but to no avail.

“Why is it that the US gets absolutely hysterical, but Australians couldn’t care less unless we are freeing a Cardinal accused of pedophelia,” she exclaimed.

“I’ve slaved my entire life to get to this position, and not even my own mother showed up. Time for some old-school biblical judgment to wake the people up I reckon”

It is further reported that the Prime Minister is also concerned with the Australian population’s ignorance around the importance of the High Court, and is seeking to enable some more high-profile cases including overturning laws on same-sex marriage and abortion, removing the right of atheists to vote, and arresting Victorian Premier, Daniel Andrews, for treason.

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