Mysterious disease shuts down right leg as people left walking in circles

STRASSBURG, FRANCE – A mysterious plague-like illness is sweeping across the western nations affecting people’s central nervous systems. There have been reports of scores of people walking only with their left leg, thereby impeding their balance to such an extent that they are often seen going around in circles with harmful effects.

According to Professor Equilibre, a leading neurologist heading up the research for the World Health Organisation (WHO), the imbalance appears to originate in the brain and is caused by a lack of neural connection between the left and right hemispheres.

“In order to keep the whole human body working in harmony, one must allow the equal distribution of energy between the hemispheres’ Professor Equilibre explained. “Without the necessary tension, the limbs end up in neural conflict causing the whole body to spiral out of control”.

Epidemiologists have noted that there is evidence for the disease afflicting populations at different points in history. In the early 1900’s a similar wave of highly contagious behaviour swept the world, with masses across much of Europe walking with only their left legs, which was at the time put down to an infection only known as Lenin syndrome.

Equally, a wave of the disease swept through Germany between 1930 and 1945 where the right leg was leaned upon with left legs almost completely disabled. Some argued this was an overcompensation to Lenin syndrome with catastrophic consequences.

There has been limited spread of the virus since that time, though some have reported seeing the condition quietly spreading in academic circles in the West for the last several decades. There is also anecdotal evidence of high contagion within those working in media and entertainment, with the concern being that this group is more likely to cross-infected the general populace.  

Although there is no known cure, concerted efforts are being made to restore balance. In the meantime, people are being encouraged to exercise both their left legs and right legs daily, and ensure that intellectual stimuli is received by both cranial hemispheres in order to avoid looking foolish, or worse, leading to total collapse.

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