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Melbournians required to wear ‘leper bells’ when visiting other States
CANBERRA, ACT – Prime Minister Scott Morrison has reassured Australian’s today that the outbreak in Victoria can be contained, and is ‘part of living with COVID19‘. He has, however, added a new restriction which requires all Melbourne residents travelling within other States to wear ‘leper bells’ around their necks in order to maintain social distancing.
‘Leper bells’ were previously used in the 17th century where those with leprosy were made to wear distinctive clothing and wear a bell to warn people of their approach due to people’s fear of catching the disease.
The Prime Minister Morrison explained the rationale behind the National Cabinet’s decision:
“We must now face the harsh reality that all Melbourne residents are potentially carrying the COVID virus, and should be considered as outcasts in order to keep Australia safe. These bells are simply individualised public service announcements that will ensure everyone can keep a safe perimeter. If you see or hear a Melbournian please do not panic, simply allow a 10m radius and call the local council for removal”.
Morrison went further to insist that this was in no way connected to any particular sin of the Melbourne community, and it was a theological misinterpretation to understand suffering in this way.
“This is not about punishment.” Morrison said. “These people need our understanding, support and love…from a distance.”