McGowan celebrates record election victory by bathing in the blood of the Opposition

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PERTH, WA – Premier Mark McGowan has taken the unusual step of celebrating his record-breaking Western Australia election victory by relaxing in the blood of the defeated Opposition leader, Zak Kirkup.

The ‘blood bath’ occured after the most dominant State election in Australian history, where Mr McGowan won a predicted 52 seats to the Opposition’s 3.

Mr McGowan wasted no time in stringing up his enemies to drain in his private abattoir, indicating he was humbled to accept the victory.

“You’ve put your trust in my government and I promise we won’t let Western Australia down, but we have to recognise these are still challenging times.”

“That is why I am performing the ritual of washing in the blood of our defeated foes in order to secure our prosperity.”

“For their is power in the blood – wonder working power.”

The Premier’s office denied accusations that the Mr McGowan was engaging in ‘barbarous and grotesque practices’, and instead released further details of what they said was actually an ‘ancient Westy ritual’.

“Our research has uncovered that some of our religious ancestors believed that somehow the ‘blood’ carried with it certain miraculous properties.”

“This included providing forms of protection, redemption, life-giving properties, and the power to overcome their enemies.”

“Therefore, their really is nothing odd at all about the Premier’s actions, and we look forward to leading the State WA towards a secure and stable future.”

It is further reported that McGowan has spent over 12-hours in the tub, repeating a personal hymn over and over to himself:

“Nothing but the blood, nothing but the blood of Kirk-up.”

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