Margaret Court stripped of trophies, citizenship and grandchildren in Australia day twist

MELBOURNE, VIC – In a surprising turn of events, tennis legend and Pentecostal pastor, Margaret Court, has had her tennis trophies, Australian citizenship and potentially even her grandchildren stripped away due to her orthodox Christian beliefs.

The move comes after an attempt by the Council for the Order of Australia to award Court with a Companion of the Order of Australia, the highest honour in the country, was overturned through the intervention of Victorian Premier, Daniel Andrews.

After the award was revoked however, Premier Andrews declared that it ‘wasn’t enough‘, and went on to pressure Tennis Australia and the Immigration Office to revoke Pastor Courts previous Grand Slam titles as well as her status as an Australian citizen.

“I simply do not support the right for people who don’t hold my views about gender fluidity and sexuality to be allowed any achievements or even live in our diverse country,” Premier Andrews told a pack of eagerly nodding journalists.

“I don’t care that she’s old, a national treasure, or that she spends all her time serving people and feeding the homeless – exile from the Australian psyche and history books is the only solution.”

Mr Andrews has also put in a formal petition to child social services, requesting that Pastor Court’s grandchildren be removed due to her ‘dangerous ideas‘.

‘It’s pretty clear to me that all breeding of bigotry should also cease, and so the removal of Ms Court’s grandchildren is a good place to start.”

“This may seem harsh, but if we don’t remove them they are sure to kill themselves anyway due to their grandmother’s horrendous beliefs in traditional marriage and that there are only 2 genders.”

“I sincerely apologise if even mentioning these ideas is triggering anyone, and wish you all a Happy Invasion Day.”

It is further reported that the Victory Life Centre, the church pastored by Margaret Court, has been ordered to remove all recognition or references to the champion, and replace any pictures with life-sized portraits of Mr Andrews in a tight-fitting tennis outfit.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Australia Day news. To support Margaret Court, see this campaign by the Australian Christian Lobby.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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