Major awkwardness after Moses not invited to Commonwealth Games opening ceremony

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BIRMINGHAM, UK – The Commonwealth Games 2022 has started with controversy after it was revealed that the Israelite leader and law-giver, Moses, was not invited to attend the opening ceremony.

The ceremony’s stand-out feature was not athletes or dancers, but a humongous bull adorned with golden chains.

The Master of Ceremonies, Mr Aaron Priest, explained why they didn’t invite the seminal prophet.

“We honestly didn’t think he’d want to come.”

“I mean, he’s a great guy who has done a lot for us, but all that half-naked dancing and bowing to the spirit of the Commonwealth Games…it’s not really his scene is it?”

“Plus, we knew that if he saw us all worshipping to the bull he’d just kick up a big fuss and spoil the party like he always does.”

However, despite the lack of invitation, it appears that Moses did in fact make an appearance at the stadium half-way through the ceremony, and witnesses report that he was ‘less than thrilled’.

Cameras have even caught the moment that Moses stormed over to the officials stand, smashing a stone plaque containing the Commonwealth Games 2022 motto – “Games for Everyone…except bigots who won’t wear rainbows.”

Games officials however spoke to the Damascus Dropbear afterwards and indicated that any aggrievement felt by Moses was really his own prejudice, as the beast was only a harmless symbol of unity, harmony and everlasting power and authority over all inhabitants of the earth.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear to for more Commonwealth Games updates. To read more analysis of the story of the Golden Calf in Exodus 32, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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