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Librarians arrested after underground Dr. Seuss syndicate discovered
BOSTON, MA – Boston Police have uncovered a dangerous librarian syndicate that read aloud, and even act out, banned material from the famous Dr Seuss books.
After the incredible discovery of racist and child abuse material within six of the Dr Seuss stories last week, Dr Seuss Enterprises were forced to remove the books.
However, police are reporting that a network of librarians failed to hand over the offending material, and instead smuggled the books out of the libraries through an elaborate scheme involving library book return chutes and secret codes hidden in the catalogue classification system.
“At 7am this morning, after a tip from highly concerned citizens, a SWAT unit stormed a residential basement where illegal readings of Dr Seuss were being held,” stated Chief Police Officer Bob McCallaghan.
“Copies of McElligot’s pool, On Beyond Zebra and even Scrambled Eggs Super were all found and confiscated.”
“The ring leader, a Ms Geraldine Austin, is currently being held by authorities on the charge of inciting racial hatred and disorderly conduct.”
It is further reported Police are investigating widespread covert printing operations which are spreading copies of ‘The Cat in the Hat’ across the country.
The Police believe that the books are being used to groom children through highly-educated pedophilia networks.
“We now have clear evidence that the Cat in the Hat contains deeply predatory themes.”
“The Cat approaches the children while their mother is away and invites them to have ‘good fun’ through his ‘tricks’.”
“He then lies by telling them that their mother won’t mind, ignores the pleas by the fish to stop, brings in his friends in, and then runs away.”
“That kind of poetry is just bad, should not be had, and makes us all very mad.”
The arrested librarians have been defiant however, singing joyful Dr Seuss songs and preaching large sections of memorised Seussical verse to their cellmates.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more literary updates. For further reading around a Christian perspective on book banning, see this piece by Sharper Iron.
