Katter uses whip to drive out fornicators from Parliament prayer room

CANBERRA, ACT – Maverick Queensland MP, Bob Katter, has surprised colleagues and parliamentary staff by driving out all sexually-charged political staffers from the Parliament prayer room using a stockwhip.

Katter’s outburst comes after stories emerged of the Parliamentary prayer room being used for sex and other illicit activities.

Reports indicated that Katter charged up to the prayer room on Wednesday evening with his stockwhip, discovered a number of staffers ‘hooking up’, and drove them all out of Parliament.

“Get this filth out of here,” he was heard to have shouted while cracking the large cattle whip.

“My house is called to be a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of heinous inequity.”

“Passion for Australia’s House burns within me – from my Akubra all the way down to me R.M Williams .”

As half-naked staffers fled from the scene, some of the Cabinet Ministers challenged Katter, demanding to know what right he had to do such things and give a miraculous sign of his authority.

“Look, people are entitled to their sexual proclivities – let a thousand blossoms bloom as far as I’m concerned.”

But they can’t do that stuff in the holiest of holy section of our glorious democratic temple and get away with it.”

“As for a miraculous sign – If I catch those horny buggers at it again, maybe I’ll just call down a couple of crocs to tear them to pieces.”

It is further reported that Katter later informed the Cabinet Ministers that if these issues weren’t sorted quick smart by the authorities, he would ‘destroy the Parliament, and raise it up in three days’.

The Australian Federal Police have indicated they are taking the threat seriously and are on high alert.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Parliament updates. For further reading around Jesus and the Temple Clearing, see this piece by The Exalted Christ.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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