Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Jesus Christ slammed for disciples’ lack of diversity
NEWCASTLE, NSW – Nazarene carpenter Jesus Christ has been criticised by inter-sectionalist academics today for what has been labelled a “concerning lack of diverse feminine, racial and queer representation” within His group of closest disciples.
The Son of God bore the brunt of recent criticism as it was pointed out that His initial 12 disciples contained no women, no LGBTI+ representatives, and almost exclusively contained men of the same race.
Head of the Department of Critical Race Studies and Gender Fluidity at the University of Newcastle, Professor Annette Dickson, said that she was shocked by the lack of diversity among the Jesus’s closest disciples after she accidentally opened a Bible after it fell out of a hotel drawer.
“Am I supposed to believe that God in human form was a cis-gendered man who surrounded himself with other cis-gendered men?! Disgusting!” shrieked Professor Dickson.
“There isn’t a transgender, gender fluid or queer person among them.”
“The only factor playing in Mr Christ’s favour was that their group was Middle-Eastern. Though my academic opinion is that this cancelled out due to the fact he was Jewish.”
It is further reported that Professor Dickson and her colleagues have begun rewriting the Bible from an inter-sectionalist perspective which will include making Moses of hispanic ethnicity, John the Baptist as pansexual, and Satan as a white married man.
They hope to complete their work before being consumed in a cloud of fire, attacked by she-bears or turned into pillars of salt.
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