Human Rights Commission release list of theologically safe churches

MELBOURNE, VIC – The Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Right Commissioner, Kristen Hilton, has released a list of Victoria’s ‘theologically safe’ churches as part of the new Gay Conversion Bill crackdown.

The Commission has been recently equipped with absolute power to investigate church groups and other organisations who teach traditional sexual morality, including seizing documents and pursuing them in court if they do not comply with orders.

Ms Hilton indicated that she was excited by the new powers, and the compilation of safe and unsafe churches ensured all Victorians could be informed and protected against discriminatory practices.

“After a thorough Google search we have been able to quickly determine which Victorian churches practice safe sexual diversity.”

“Young people in particular need to be educated on using the right kind of protection against such dangerous congregations.”

“The Victorian Government is committed to stopping the spread, saving lives, and rooting the hidden bigotry out of our community.”

The Commission also announced they have employed University of Divinity vice-chancellor, Professor Sherlock Peters, to develop the new official theological tenets for the Government which will be used to measure church safety.

“I am proud to be part of this process to ensure all theology in the State of Victoria adheres to official guidelines,” Professor Peters explained.

“Now we will mark all churches as green (safe), orange (risky) and red (unsafe), and require that this information be communicated through a flashing light system on their front entrances.”

“We would strongly encourage citizens to avoid the red-light theological districts.”

It is further reported that a similar program of placing public servants in all theological colleges is being disbanded, due to the high rate of conversions among the officials and subsequent renunciations of Government doctrines.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more public service updates. For further reading around church diversity training, see this blog by Stephen McAlpine.

 

 

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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