Historians discover St. Peter’s last words, “Your best life now!”

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ROME, ITALY – Italian historians have discovered recorded evidence that Saint Peter, while he was being crucified upside-down for preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, used his dying breath to inform his fellow believers that they too could live happy, healthy and financially successful lives in Christ.

The discovery was long suspected by modernist megachurch ministers, who have for years been preaching material and health prosperity for all believers upon receiving salvation. 

Pastor Joel Osteen, of Lakewood Church in Texas, welcomed the findings but indicated that this only confirmed other historical records.

“This message of a successful Christian life was clearly demonstrated by the early church. First century Christians were clearly seen hanging out with powerful people like the Emperor Nero, filled significant roles in the entertainment industry, and were even involved in elite sporting events.”

“Even the apostle Paul was ran seeker friendly churches. He made rich and fashionable female friends, travelled in style, and became ‘all things to all people‘. These early believers didn’t so much lay down their lives, rather they showed us how to pick life up and live it in fabulous fullness!”

It is further reported that Saint Peter, while hanging upside down on the cross, encouraged his fellow Christians to avoid talking about sin, hell, judgment and holiness as ‘they might offend someone’.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for the latest historical discoveries. For further reading regarding the prosperity gospel, see this article by the Gospel Coalition.

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