Health experts release official COVID revised version of Good Samaritan parable

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SYDNEY, NSW – The NSW Government has released a new version of the parable of the Good Samaritan to help religious communities in Western Sydney understand the COVID lockdown restrictions.

NSW Chief Health Office, Dr Kerry Chant, along with the Minister for Health, Brad Hazzard, made the announcement today.

“We have had concerns that some churches are presenting mixed messages to their congregations around the COVID lockdowns.”

“Messages of pastoral care and physical support are completely inappropriate in this current climate.”

“We have therefore released a resource which will help explain the current guidelines in language people of a Christian background are familiar with and can understand.”

The Damascus Dropbear has received a copy of the New Revised Government Health Version of the parable:

A man from Parramatta was out for his hour of exercise when he fell into the hands of anti-vaxxer thugs.

They stripped him of his mask, abused him for being so responsible, and beat him until he was half-dead.

A Government official happened to be going down the same road (on completely justified business and definitely not to visit his girlfriend).

When he saw the man, he crossed over to the other side of the road to ensure he was not infected with COVID.

But a Samaritan (an essential worker), travelled down that road as well, and came where the man was; and when he saw him, he foolishly took pity on him.

He went to him and bound up his wounds, washing them and putting on Dettol.

Then he put him his own Ute and brought him to a pub motel and took care of him.

However, the Samaritan had caught COVID off the man, and spread it to all his family and friends – killing them all.

Which of these two, the Government official or the Samaritan, was a loving neighbour?

It is further reported that the Government are also working on revised versions of the Parable of the Prodigal Son (where the father refuses to hug him and demands he quarantine for two weeks), and the Parable of the Wise and Foolish builders (who decided its better to wait out the lockdown before building anything at all).

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more lockdown updates. For the actual comments about not being ‘friendly with neighbours’ in lockdowns, see this report by Caldron Pool.

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