Greens nail selves to wind turbines in Easter environmental protest

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LAKE GEORGE, NSW – The Australian Greens leadership team have undertaken a controversial protest in the lead up to Easter by nailing themselves to three sustainable wind turbines.

The protest comes on the back of increasingly disruptive protests over climate change by the Extinction Rebellion movement.

In a move described as an ‘salvific environmental crisis’, Greens leader, Adam Bandt, alongside deputy leaders Larissa Waters and Nick McKim, released a statement that they would remain there until the Morrison Government committed to greenhouse gas neutrality by 2035.

“For too long we have seen our country trapped and oppressed by environmental sin,” Mr Bandt shouted from the lofty heights.

“As the Greens, we are committed to extreme sacrificial and redemptive protests that will set our people free from climate change.”

“We therefore will give our bodies to the wind and the earth, that we might rise again in recycledness.”

“And we encourage our supporters to deny themselves coal-based power, take up their wind-turbines, and follow us!”

It was at this point an increasingly fast-spinning Mr Bandt was unable to answer any more questions.

His deputy Nick McKim also unavailable after vomiting all over his suit due to the motion sickness.

Ms Waters valiantly tried to answer reporter questions around the Green party’s economic policies connected to the proposed reductions, but quickly turned white and confused (which we are reliably informed has nothing to do with the spinning turbines).

However, some onlookers claim to have heard Mr Bandt, before losing consciousness, commit his spirit to the Earth Goddess Gaia and promise his fellow turbine crucixees that they would one day be joining him in Socialist paradise.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Easter updates. For further discussion around Christian engagement with climate change, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

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