Image Credits: Getty images (edited)
Government strike down pizza boy after COVID lie
ADELAIDE, SA – South Australian Premier, Steven Marshall, has taken the unusual step of striking dead a pizza bar employee after he was found to have lied about his COVID exposure.
The move comes after South Australia authorities had locked down nearly all businesses, school and industry for fear the Woodville Pizza Bar outbreak was spreading rapidly to customers. It turned out however that the man had, in fact, worked in the pizza bar, and had been a close contact of the other infected worker.
It was at that point that Premier Marshall displayed his vengeful wrath.
“Pizza bar employee, why has Satan filled your heart?”
“You lied to the Holy Government and kept information about your employment to yourself.”
“How could you do a think like this? You weren’t lying to us but to all the people of South Australia.”
As soon as the man heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Great fear gripped the entire State and all other who heard what had happened.
Premier Marshall gave a press conference after the event to explain his actions.
“Do not be afraid of my judgment.”
“I assure you that any sin can be forgiven, including blasphemous talk about my leadership.”
“But anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Government by lying about COVID, costing it hundreds of millions of dollars of economic impact due to our own overreaction, will never be forgiven.”
“That sin will be held against you forever.”
It is further reported that South Australians are now ensuring that the Government are aware of even the smallest detail of their lives and innermost thoughts in order to keep the State COVID-free.