Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Climate activists rejoice after 265 degree day predicted
SYDNEY, NSW – Climate activists around the world are celebrating today after a Sydney newspaper reported an anticipated temperature of 265 degrees Celsius (590 degrees Fahrenheit) for Thursday.
The revelries began as soon as the news broke, with activists claiming it entirely vindicated all of their previously mocked activities such as gluing themselves to roads and skipping science classes at school.
Young student protestor, Bergthun Greta, could hardly contain his excitement as he spoke to media.
“We told you then end was nigh, didn’t we tell you, and now it has finally arrived. Oh happy days!”
“It came a little earlier than our highly accurate modelling predicted, but this just proves we were even more right than we thought.”
“This Thursday we can now look forward to massive firestorms, boiling sea levels enveloping entire continents, and volcanos popping out of everywhere – it’s going to be epic!”
The report has also led to an outbreak of ‘climate religious fanaticism’ with people flocking to churches to learn about what they must do to be saved from what is being called ‘Climate Judgment Day’.
Local Environmental Preacher, Reverend Mick Manastorm, has set up a box in Hyde Park where he is declaring doom around the clock.
“You hath not feared the Climate, but now thoust shall know the Climate’s wrath.”
“The bowls spoken of in Revelation art being poured out, and thou shalt all be burned by the blast of heat, and scorched with its glorious fire.”
“Repent of your pollution, beg for His mercy, and the Climate may still turn away His anger.”
It is further reported that excited climate evangelists have taken to the streets and have started burning trees, businesses and fire hydrants in anticipation.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more weather news. For further discussion about the Christian conversations around climate change, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
