Christian parents confess error after reading ‘Book of Revelation’ as bedtime story

TOOWOOMBA, QLD – A couple in Toowoomba have admitted to a major parenting error after a bedtime Bible reading experience turned into months of mental health trauma for their 7 year-old child.

Reports are that the episode began after the father, Mr Daryl Thompson, started reading the controversial ‘Book of Revelation‘ as part of his nightly Bible reading with his son, Alfred.

“We had just finished reading the gospel of John together, and Alfie loved it so much I thought we might start on something a bit different,” Mr Thompson explained.

“So we read all about the weird living creatures covered in eyes, the blackening of the sun and the moon of blood, and of course the great harlot riding on the Beast.”

“How was I to know the kid would be so freaked out?”

What happened afterwards, according to the parents, was that the young boy became ‘as white as heavenly robes’ and didn’t sleep for days on end.

“At first he was terrified all the time and kept looking around corners and claiming that he heard the Pale horse’s hoofbeats coming down the hall.” Mr Thompson continued.

“Then he went through a stage where he would just keep blowing trumpets and saying that the stars were going to fall and open up the Abyss in our backyard.”

“What finally forced us to get help is when I found him with that kidnapped lamb, which he had glued 7 horns to before putting on a ‘wedding feast’ for it.”

Alfie’s mother, Mrs Eleanor Mitchell, said that they tried to direct him to other biblical stories that weren’t quite so dramatic.

“Of course we went straight to other animal stories from Genesis to try and help him focus on less violent parts of the biblical narrative.”

“It was only afterwards we realised that the story of Noah’s ark may not be the best choice either!”

Mental health theologians have reportedly assessed the child, and prescribed a full course of amillennialism,  the regular singing of Psalms (excluding 137), and warm spiritual milk.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more parenting tips. For further discussion around the Book of Revelation, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.

 

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