Christian kids being sent off for ‘not aligning with the values of the sport’

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MELBOURNE, VIC – Football Victoria has announced a new rule change for soccer clubs across the State where Christian players can now be suspended for ‘not aligning with the inclusive values of the sport’.

The rule change comes after a number of incidents across Victoria where soccer referees were observed brandishing red cards to junior players after discovering their various church associations.

Football Victoria CEO, Kimon Taliadoros, explained the new rule changes.

“As you are aware, Football Victoria is a diverse and inclusive organisation,” Mr Taliadoros said.

“This is why we are drawing such a strict exclusionary line against Christian kids who may or may not be associated with bigoted and hateful values.”

“It is actually unfortunate that the referees are put in this position at all – really the clubs and coaches should be vetting the players more carefully before they join up.”

“In fact, I would call on Christian parents to have a good hard think before trying to register their kids at all.”

“Do you want football or faith, corners or communion, passes or pastors, saves or salvation, goals or God… I could go on.”

The move follows closely after activists successfully forced the termination of Essendon CEO, Andrew Thorburn, for being a church-goer.

Local pastor and soccer fanatic, Reverend Joshua Kennedy, was furious at the new changes.

“I must say it is pretty ridiculous that we are being booted off the pitch like this,” Rev Kennedy exclaimed.

“The other day I was watching a local match with a kids from our youth group playing.”

“Before you know it, one of the activist kids from the other team just fell to the ground, rolling over and over and screaming that their feelings had been fouled by one of the church kids.”

“The ref didn’t even hesitate, he just pulled out the red and sent them off for a ‘value violation’.”

“Fortunately the other team were all so distracted making human rights violation complaints that our team still won 13-0.”

It is further reported that Football Victoria are also considering extending the suspension rules to Muslims, conservatives, and anyone who isn’t voting for Premier Daniel Andrews in the upcoming election.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more soccer updates. To read the full story and Thorburn’s statement, you can read it at The Other Cheek.

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