Archbishop to lead Victorian exodus across desert

MELBOURNE, VIC – Melbourne Catholic Archbishop, Peter Comensoli, has declared that he is planning to lead a mass exodus through the Simpson Desert in order to escape the COVID outbreak and oppressive conditions for Christians in Victoria.

The Archbishop announced the movement today in front St. Patrick’s Cathedral after news of the increasing COVID outbreak. 

“For too long Premier Daniel Andrews has persecuted our people with laws that restrict our freedoms, kill our elderly, slaughter our babies, and brainwash our children” Archbishop Comensoli declared.

“The plagues for his sins have come, and I will now lead my people to the promised and COVID free land that flows with mangoes and beef – Darwin.”

The 3671km journey is expected to take three months on foot, with the Archbishop indicating that participants should be prepared for harsh conditions and to bring any flocks and herds with them, as well as plundering the ‘Melbournites’ for supplies on their way out.

When the Victorian Premier was asked what he thought of the Archbishop’s planned exodus, he was adamant that no such event would occur.

“What a ridiculous notion. Victoria is the jewel of the Murray-Darling, the pearl of the Tasman Sea. People of faith are tolerated with minimal corporal punishment and anyone who says otherwise is a traitor to our glorious vision and their Great leader”.

It is further reported that the Archbishop has submitted a formal letter to the Premier with the proposed exodus date and a short statement – ‘Let my people go’.

More to come…

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