2020 announced as winner of apocalyptic bingo

BROKEN HILL, NSW – The Eighth Millennial Apocalyptic Bingo competition was wrapped up over the weekend in outback Australia, with the surprising new entry of 2020 taking home the prize.

Many pundits had predicted a win by 1347, the year of the Black Death which killed around 200 million people, or one of the favoured ‘Holocaust years’ between 1941 and 1945.

However, although the magnitude of those events far surpassed other catastrophes, the pure breadth of tragedies in 2020 including fires, floods, droughts, locust plagues, riots, pandemics, and the upcoming WWIII gave the year much higher odds than the bingo veterans.

“I can’t believe I won” said an excited 2020. “I’m only two-thirds in and already I’m taking home the crown.”

“There are so many people to thank. COVID19 was of course a huge support, but I can’t leave out the amazing Indian Ocean Dipole and the incredible impact of social media. I love youse all!”

Part of the prize is an invitation to the coveted ‘End Times Bingo Tournament’, where all the greatest disaster years from history compete in a collection of gruelling events from the Holy Book of Revelation. The date of the tournament is yet to be announced, but some insiders claim to know the time and the place.

It is further reported that due to an over-exuberance after the victory, combined with too much punch, 2020 was asked to sit quietly in the corner for the rest of the period.

More to come…

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more apocalyptic news

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular

Copy link
Powered by Social Snap