Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
Top pastors break away to form new ‘Super Church’
NEW YORK, NY – Following recent moves in European football, a number of globally significant pastors have declared that they are intent on forming a new ‘Super Church‘ focused on impacting a global congregation.
The group includes such Christian pastoral giants as Tim Keller, Joyce Meyer, Rick Warren, Paula White and Brian Houston, who have announced they will depart their current denominations and ministries to join what is understood to be a highly lucrative gospel coalition.
Spokesperson for the new ‘Super Church’, Pastor John Piper, explained the reasoning behind the move.
“Christianity is the only religion with more than 2.3 billion adherents, and it is our responsibility as big preachers to respond to their desires for the gospel.”
“By bringing together the world’s greatest pastors to lead together, the Super Church will open a new chapter for our faith.”
“It will ensure global access to world-class teaching, worship and prayer, and provide increased financial support for the broader missionary pyramid.”
The announcement has shocked church communities around the world, with many smaller church leaders condemning the move.
“This is driven by ego and cynical greed, pure and simple, and will destroy grassroots community church as we know it,” exclaimed local Baptist pastor, Giles Needham.
“No-one will be able to compete with the preaching of the Super Church, and their slick fundraising will ensure all the tithes go to them.”
“Churches should be linked to their local towns, cities and communities – not some large corporate God brand who hogs all the miracles!”
“It will catastrophically destabilise the entire Body of Christ, with deep, far-reaching consequences for humble pastors like us.”
It is further reported that peak denominational bodies are discussing the option of stripping the Super Church leaders of their pastoral credentials immediately, and banning from all conferences until they repent and come under localise authority once again.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more royalty updates. For further discussion around ‘local church’, see this piece by the Gospel Coalition.
