Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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State announces plan to power energy grid with the Holy Spirit
ADELAIDE, SA – As of the new financial year, South Australia’s main source of electrical energy will be the Holy Spirit, in an ambitious attempt to produce fewer emissions.
All energy production – other than the glory of God – will begin to be phased out immediately under the State Government’s plan, including wind and rooftop solar.
The notorious South Australian statewide blackouts of 2016 forced the then Weatherill State Labor Government to improvise and innovate, even recruiting the likes of Tesla founder Elon Musk to build them a battery.
“We’ve been used to our energy grid running on a hope and a prayer for a while now, so how will this be any different?!”, said SA Energy Minister Dan van Holst Pellekaan at today’s press conference.
“Weatherill got Musk – we’re going up a few rungs higher to someone who doesn’t just think they are God.”
“In the Bible, Elijah just has to ask the Almighty to bring the fire and He does. We’re confident in being able to negotiate a similar arrangement, but this time with electricity.”
“Adelaide is known as the ‘City of Churches’, so it’s natural that we’re a little bit more blessed than those heathens in the eastern states, or over in the west.”
While details on how the State Government plans to source consistent spiritual power to sustain the grid’s stability remain vague, South Australian locals on both sides of the political spectrum appeared cautiously optimistic with the announcement.
“Any way to get to zero emissions is a positive in my eyes” said Greens MLC, Ms Tammy Franks “But I am concerned about the Spirit’s previously recorded support for the State of Israel.”
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