Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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Divided Protestants decide to split church into new Pfizer/AstraZeneca denominations
BRISBANE, QUEENSLAND – A large church in West Brisbane have announced a denominational split over vaccine preferences.
The church, previously known as the United Protestant Church, has now officially separated into two distinct bodies labelled as the Pfizer Christian Fellowship and Christ Church AstraZeneca.
A spokesperson for the Pfizer church spoke to the Damascus Dropbear.
“It just got to the point where our vaccine disagreement was so significant that going our own way was easier than staying together.”
“For us, the Pfizer vaccine is clearly the better way to worship and connect with God.”
“Those radical AstraZenecans are always pushing aggressive and risky evangelistic strategies, and its something we are simply not comfortable with.”
“We realise that some view us as ‘safe and conservative’ but for us we are just eager to wait and see God’s will unfold in his timing.”
Protestants have previously been criticised as being quick to split and start new churches over relatively minor disagreements.
However, some within the new AstraZeneca denomination argued that this was no minor disagreement.
“Our vaccine theological choice is directly proportionate to the timing and outworking of our salvation narrative.”
“Jesus is coming back, and I have no doubt that it will only happen once we are all double-dosed with AstraZeneca.”
Both churches are refusing to provide baptisms, marriage and funerals to the unvaccinated (specific to their vaccine), but are offering shots as part of their weekly communion events.
Those who refuse to take any vaccinations have obviously been cast out as heretics.
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