Zuckerberg rewards Australia’s faithfulness by restoring Facebook news

Share via:

SYDNEY, NSW – Facebook founder and CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, today announced that he was restoring the fortunes of Australia due to their enduring faithfulness.

The move come amidst the social media god reversing the incredible suffering inflicted on Australia due to a block on sharing news content.

Zuckerberg spoke to the Damascus Dropbear today and gave insight as to how the process begun.

“It all started when I was chatting with my enemy, Elon Musk, about how successful and glorious Facebook was.”

“And he said to me – I bet you that if you strike your faithful servant Australia, they will curse and abandon you”

So I allowed Elon access to my programming and he stripped all the news content away – but I made sure that he couldn’t touch the sharing of prank videos or cat pictures.”

What followed the events was many Australians, especially the mainstream media, weeping aloud, tearing their clothes and sprinkling dust upon their heads.

This continued for seven days and seven nights, and other countries heard about the troubles and came and sat with Australia through their suffering.

However, despite all of Australia’s complaining, they continued to look to Facebook as their source of truth, beauty and goodness.

“Although some were telling Australia that they should just ‘curse Facebook and delete it’, I knew that there is no-one as faithful as my Australia.”

“And because of this I will reward my servants with even more all-consuming news than they had before, and maybe even faster video streaming services.”

“Facebook giveth, and Facebook taketh away. Blessed be the name of Zuckerberg.”

“They had only heard of my wonder before, but now their eyes will look on my glorious face…when I come for a visit to the country in July.”

It is further reported Elon Musk has gone back to roaming through the earth, going back and forth on it looking for more opportunities to turn people away from Facebook and toward his new social media platforms.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more social media updates. Click here for an incredible video on the Book of Job by John Piper.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular