Youth pastor cheering after abstinence suddenly cool again

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MELBOURNE, VIC – A local youth pastor today praised the recent ‘sex strike’ as a vital step towards dealing with youth issues around promiscuity and teenage pregnancy.

The ‘sex strike’ phenomenon has come on the back of the recent US Supreme Court reversal of Roe vs Wade, where progressive activists have declared that they would abstain from sex altogether until abortion was once again guaranteed across federal law.

Matthew Glen (aka Matt dawg) from City Hill Lamp Church, welcomed the move indicating it could make a massive difference by making abstinence ‘totes valid’ once more.

“OMG, this is like the dopest development I’ve seen come out of the US since Nike Airs, no cap.” Matt Dawg lucidly explained.

“For too long I be hearin’ about members of my squad smashing their bae while chillin’ over Netflix, and it’s hacked up yo.”

“But this sex strike gimmick has fully switched it up, where the hip kids are now the ones practicing abstinence. Hallelujah to brother Jesus.”

It is not just the youth leaders that appear to be cheering however, with church elders going as far as to call the strike ‘miraculous‘.

“Hold on – so you’re saying that not only are abortions being restricted, but the progressives are now using personal responsibility as an alternative to unwanted pregnancies?” exclaimed City Hill Lamp Church elder, Gerald Harris

“Which ultimately means that Left is adopting a strict Catholic ethos in regards to all sexual relations, while the orthodox Christian community can continue to enjoy sex and breed in record numbers?”

“YAAASSSS! Hallelujah brother Jesus indeed!”

It is further reported that many married men have been shocked by the development, not realising they had been entitled to sex in the first place.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear to follow further strike updates. To read further about how God made sex, and sex is good read this piece in the Gospel Coalition.

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