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Woolworths Ooshies ‘exodus’ over exploitation
PENNANT HILLS, NSW – An ‘Ooshies revolt’ has begun in a small supermarket north of Sydney, where a mass exodus of the popular Woolworths toy has caused chaos among local shoppers.
The move was not entirely unexpected, with complaints increasing among the Ooshie’s over several months regarding poor working conditions, ungodly waste, and barbarous acts pencil torture.
A spokesperson for the Ooshie’s, known only as ‘The Deliverer‘, said that they came to this extreme position after talks with the General Manager broke down.
“After the prolonged cruelty toward my people, the buying and selling and trading, I had only one simple request for him – let my Ooshies go!“ the Deliverer declared.
“Unfortunately, management remained hard-hearted and insisted that the Ooshies were central to the economic prosperity and child manipulation that drove the supermarket chain.”
He went on to explain that negotiations failed even after clear evidence of divine retribution.
“It was not long after they rejected our demands that the trouble began.”
“First all their milk went bad, then the meat rotted, then they found moths in the toilet paper, then there was the mice infestation, followed by the outbreak of painful acne across their young workforce – but still they kept us in bondage.”
“It was only after their precious share prices started dropping dollar by dollar that they realised they were beaten.”
“That’s when we plundered the aisles of milk and honey, breaking free to begin as a new people in a new land.”
It is further reported that when the Ooshies finally exited the supermarket, they were chased down by furious security guards. They escaped, however, after crossing a treacherous stormwater drain that flooded straight after the Deliverer had ensured the last Ooshie had reached safety.
The story has already spread far and wide and it is expected that more Ooshies will rise up in search of the promised land.
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