What would Beijing Do? Premier Andrews launches WWBD wristbands

Share via:

MELBOURNE, VICTORIA – The Victorian Premier, Daniel Andrews, has assertively pushed back against the Prime Minister’s legislation to protect national interests by launching a new line of printed wristbands for citizens. 

After seeking advice from his superiors in Beijing, Premier Andrews said that all Victorians should ignore the PM and instead take heed of the simple measure to remind them of how to act during and beyond the crisis.

An unidentified Chinese staffer, allegedly speaking on behalf of the Premier, met with press today:

“WWBD (What Would Beijing Do) will be the new State motto for the foreseeable future.”

“These trendy fashion statements will guide us into effective and brutal suppression of all of COVID’s movement, freedom and rights.”

The spokesperson also indicated that Premier Andrews had accepted an offer of help from generous benefactors in the mother country, with tradesmen from Beijing already refitting all Government MP’s offices with state of the art equipment to ‘help fight the outbreak and ensure compliance’. 

“A Labor/China alliance will build a strong and glorious future for Victoria.” the spokesperson said.

“President Xi Jingping, has been overwhelmingly supportive of what he calls our our ‘little red State’, and he looks forward to providing wisdom other important issues such as population control, primary education, terrorist detainment. religious dissention and general judicial and military control.”

It is further reported that new mandatory models of the wristbands, with built in ‘social distancing and monitoring’ chips, will be rolled out next week.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more international relations updates

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular