Wealthy Northern Beaches residents to indefinitely quarantine from poor

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NORTHERN BEACHES, NSW – Wealthy residents of the Northern beaches have decided to extend their COVID quarantine restrictions to now ensure that all ‘poor people‘ cannot enter the area due to ‘health and broader social risks’.

The move comes as the Northern Beaches COVID cluster is still being brought under control, and local residents are tragically forced to decide which one of their multiple luxury houses they will spend the 14-day lockdown period in. Exemptions from the NSW Government are of course available for the right price.

Local news outlets are reporting that the local Northern Beaches Council have now put forward a position which would continue the quarantine of the entire area indefinitely against individuals and households who earn less then $300,000 per year.

“During this crisis we have realised the general need to protect ourselves and our properties against outside diseases,” council spokesperson Alfred Solomon explained.

“We have therefore decided that for the foreseeable future, the entire Northern Beaches area will be quarantined from the poor and destitute.”

“As the Good Book says; Blessed are the prosperous, for they will be protected from the afflicted.”

However, local Northern Beaches homeless resident, Lazarus Abraham, questioned the long term benefit of such a position.

“Now, I ain’t no prophet, but I reckon shutting the poor out like this is sure to have some kind of eternal consequence.”

“Being safe from COVID is all fine and good, but there are some even worse plagues that no amount of vaccine can protect a fella from.”

“By the way, you wouldn’t have five dollars for the bus would ya mate?”

It is further reported that a successful vaccine has been discovered, and will be available to every Greater Sydney resident at $10,000 a shot.


Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more COVID updates. For further information around COVID and poverty, see this article by the Barnabas Fund.

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