Image Credits: Disney (edited)
Victorian Police hire Mulan to stop lockdown protests
MELBOURNE, VIC – Melbourne police are out in force today in anticipation of ‘Freedom Day’ lockdown protests, and have taken the unusual step of enlisting Disney hero, Mulan, to help maintain order.
The Mulan Chinese-born actress, Liu Yiefi, is reportedly a strong supporter of brutal police crackdowns, after giving encouragement to the Hong Kong police in the violent opposition to democratic protests last year.
“I have been very impressed with the recent heroic actions of Victorian Police, in particular their courage in aggressively arresting a highly-dangerous pyjama clad pregnant woman for a Facebook post.” Ms Yiefi exclaimed.
“This is exactly the kind of iron fist we needed in Mulan when China defeated the evil Uighurs… I mean Huns… and I was pleased to offer Daniel Andrews my unqualified support for this battle.”
When the protests began, it is reported that chants were made around the right to freedom of political communication. It was at this point that Ms Yiefi used her superior Mulan archery skills to shoot copies of the Australian Constitution directly out of citizen’s hands.
The protestors won the day however, as police were forced to let the arrested protestors go after they decided to kneel and say they were actually supporting #Blacklivesmatter.
It was at this point the police invited to protestors to pillage and loot nearby businesses, even helping them to load up the stolen goods and setting up boundaries for a new autonomous State.
Western Australia has declared interest in supporting such a move.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more protest updates