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Vaccine overdose administrator only ‘identified as doctor’
CARSELDINE, QLD – It has been revealed that the administrator of an overdose of the Pfizer vaccine on Tuesday was not actually medically trained, but only ‘identified as a doctor’.
The figure, who makes reference to himself as Doctor Penniningsworth the IV, delivered the vaccine to to two elderly patients at the Holy Spirit aged care home in Carseldine.
Penningsworth was deeply apologetic about the mistake when speaking to the Damascus Dropbear , but said he was fully justified in claiming his status as a doctor.
“Although I am sorry for the mix-up, I feel I am still well within my rights to practice medicine.”
“When it comes down to it, medicine and vaccine delivery isn’t about years of study, clinical standards, or even patient care.”
“Being a doctor is actually a feeling deep down in your achilles artery that no surgeon can cut out.”
Somewhat surprisingly, Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk, has come out in support for Penningsworth, instead blaming the overdose on the Prime Minister.
“The instructions written on the vaccines were clearly too complex to be understood by those with a medical knowledge disability – that is a Federal Government failure,” the Premier scolded.
“I, for one, welcome the service of people like Dr Penningsworth the IV who have always felt they were actually doctors trapped in the body of a different profession.”
“We beg your forgiveness for failing to recognise who you really are sooner, and commit to no longer discriminating against you in regards to employment in the QLD health sector.”
It is further reported that the Queensland Government will be creating a number of new positions for trans-physicians, who will be immediately put to work in the critical care centres.
They have also announced a shortage of medical equipment, and have asked for people who identify as ventilators to make themselves known.