Image Credits: Associated Press (edited)
Trump cracks COVID Bible code – election victory prophesied
WASHINGTON, DC – President Trump has announced his success in deciphering a secret code in the Bible by utilising daily COVID numbers which uncover a range of prophecies, including his own November Presidential election victory.
The code was discovered by placing the letters of various Torah passages at intervals dictated by COVID global numbers in a text that has been formatted to fit inside a graph.
Trump had allegedly allocated Pentagon analysts to the project as soon as the first infections were reported in China last December.
“You see, I had a suspicion as soon as I saw the the numbers coming in that there was something bigger, something greater, something huge going on,” President Trump explained.
“So I got the numbers boys, the religious ones, to see whether there was any correlation between COVID and the Bible, you know, if there was anything in there that could point to a cure.”
“And, oh boy did we find something. Turns out there are over 200 new coded prophecies in the Bible – including one that names me as winner of the upcoming election.”
“I bet Biden wishes he read his Bible more closely now!”
A Pentagon spokesperson explained some of the COVID Bible code formula:
“Well it’s quite simple really. Just take the daily COVID infection numbers from Asia and divide them by the cumulative deaths of the US, insert them into the Latin Vulgate and count the words forward from Leviticus 3:4, and you have a single phrase which, when put together with the weekly temperature average, form a coherent prediction.”
The White House has yet to release all the deciphered prophecies, but have hinted that a number have indicated the collapse of China, the invention of a tree communicator and the coronation of future UN emperor, Elon Musk.
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