Trump claims entire election ‘illegitimate’ after pulling sword from Washington Monument

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WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has surprised once again after announcing that he had proof that the election of Joe Biden was illegitimate after pulling a sword from the foot of the Washington Monument.

Trump, who had yet to give a concession speech due to alleged election ‘voting irregularities’, described how he discovered the relic:

“The great Sorcerer, Rush Limbaugh, approached me and informed me of the prophecy of a sword, Covfefe, that would grant me divine right as well as providing me with magical powers over all electoral colleges.”

“This I had to see, so I went down to the Monument and there is was as Rush had said. It came out for me as easily as if it had never been stuck.”

Trump went on to claim that the evidence was now clear that God had chosen him for victory, just like the kings of old.

“Only the true President, a President who is honest, pure in heart and humble and will make America great again, could have pulled this sword from the stone.”

“We know that God appoints kings and leaders for important times in history, and I promise you that I will crush my enemies with this sword of vengeance.”

“Now all I need to do to complete my collection quest is to find the Holy Grail, which will establish my Presidency for all eternity.”

It is further reported that after Limbaugh poured motor oil over the President head as an anointing, Trump ran down to the Monument Reflection Pool, stripped off his clothes, and began leaping and dancing so great was his joy.

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