Image Credits: The Island (film - edited)
Treasurer announces new lottery where unvaccinated can win a trip to ‘The Island’
CANBERRA, ACT – The Federal Treasurer, Josh Frydenberg, has announce a brand new Government lottery where unnvaccinated people can now win a free trip to ‘The Island‘.
Having lamented at the slower than anticipated uptake of the vaccine, the Government is rolling out a number of new programs to increase the vaccinated population percentage.
One program, specifically designed for so-called ‘conscientious objectors’ who are unwilling to take the vaccine, is being launched as ‘The Liability Lottery’.
“Over the last few days we have heard a lot of name-calling from the Government of citizens who are rebelling against the Government plans to beat COVID-19,” the Treasurer explained in a soothing voice.
“So we decided we wanted to express to people who don’t want to get vaccinated that we still deeply value you and respect your freedom of choice.”
“As a part of the appreciation we have therefore decided to launch the Liability Lottery that only anti-vaccination people are allowed to enter.”
“A group of very lucky unvaccinated people will, every week, win an incredible life-long trip to a secret ultra-luxurious tropical island just off Australia’s coast.”
Some have expressed concerns however that the Treasurer’s offer seemed ‘too good to be true‘, and expressed confusion as to why the Government might be offering such a prize for unvaccination.
The Treasurer, however, sought to reassure them using his rich, dulcet tones.
“The simple fact is – you unvaccinated people are special, and the Government has a very special purpose for your life.”
“We are really not so concerned with the mass deadly outbreaks caused by COVID, or the economic ruin we are facing, but rather on ensuring that your freedoms are deeply valued and protected.”
“Being unvaccinated doesn’t make you any less a valued, Australian citizen. See you all at the lottery.”
In a remarkable coincidence, the first names drawn to go to the Island were anti-vax celebrity chef Pete Evans and outspoken Government coalition member, George Christensen.
Pete and George thanked the excited crowd of health bureaucrats and State Premiers before departing on their glorious journey to their new home.