The Guardian hires mud truck in preparation for Eden-Monaro by-election

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QUEANBEYAN, NSW – News outlet, The Guardian Australia, has leased a Class 7 truck to deliver over 50 tonnes of oil-based mud to southern New South Wales, ahead of the Eden-Monaro by-election this Saturday.

It is anticipated that the mud is to be utilised for covering the campaign of Liberal party candidate Fiona Kotvojs, touted as the front-runner in this weekend’s election – due to the overwhelming popularity of Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

Guardian journalist, Paul Karp, is credited with the idea of bringing in the mud load and provided commentary on the move:

“Well, the woman is a bloody saint and there was no dirt to be found on her at all. So I thought – blow it – we’ll just bring some of our own in and if we dump enough of it on her then even if it doesn’t stick maybe she will drown in it!” Karp said.

“Obviously, we’ve pre-mixed the mud with our usual junk – climate change, same sex marriage, religion – and once we gave it a stir it turned out pretty nice”.

This is not the first time The Guardian has faced controversy. Recently, the outlet took a bold stand against the #Blacklivesmatter movement and cancel culture – refusing to close despite historical evidence the newspaper was founded on the profits of the slave plantations of John Edward Taylor.

Candidate Mrs Kotvojs refused to comment on the mud truck, but did release a short statement quoting Proverbs 19:9 which reads, “A witness to falsity shall not be held innocent, and the one who pours out lies like mud shall perish”.

It is further reported that SBS news is also planning to bring in a number of barrels of butter in order to add to the mess through smear tactics.

More to come…

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