Struggling preacher offers $300 incentive to be saved and avoid the fires of hell

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CANBERRA, ACT – A struggling minister has taken the unusual step of offering people $300 if they attend his church and accept an injection of salvation.

Reverend Albert Anthony, of the Saint Labor Church in Kambah, explained his motivation behind the move.

“Well, the other day our distinguished Opposition Leader put forward the notion that people should be paid $300 to get vaccinated and I thought – what a great idea!”

“My popularity as a preacher among the people of Australia has been a bit low lately, and people need Jesus to keep them safe, so why no use incentives to increase interest?”

“Scaring people with the fires of hell clearly isn’t enough anymore, we are therefore committed to this more positive model of Christian financial conversion.” 

“Think of it as the opposite approach to those prosperity gospel preachers.”

Some reporters questioned how the church would have the funds available to resource such an initiative, but Reverend Anthony indicated that although no-one was coming to their church any more, they still have many million dollar properties gathering dust that could finance the scheme.

Early interviews indicate that the approach has been very popular. Here’s what the new congregants had to say:

“All I had to do was sing some songs, say some words, bend the knee, and this old guy in a dress gave me $300 bucks – I love church!!”  – Ricki Bobby, skater.

“I don’t really understand why they are offering us cash for accepting the immeasurable treasures of eternal life, but hey, every little bit helps.” – Gus Bus, gardener.

“Originally I came for the cash, but once I heard the Bible read it warmed my heart so much that I ended up putting $600 in the collection plate,” Michelle Mitchell – hair stylist.

It is further reported that Reverend Anthony is considering expanding the payments to include an extra $50 for taking communion, $100 for confession of sins, and a $1000 amount for every year one of his congregants read through the entire Bible.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more evangelistic updates. For a blog around 5 ways money can poison our faith, see this piece by the Sojourners.

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