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SMH journalist’s brain falls out after trying too hard to be ‘open-minded’
NORTH SYDNEY, NSW – Tragedy has struck the Sydney Morning Herald Newspaper (SMH) after the brain of a journalist fell out after being too ‘open-minded’.
The unfortunate event comes after a new marketing campaign by the SMH called ‘Minds wide open’ where they allege that close-minded people were responsible for polarisation, ostracisation, racism, sexism and starting wars – and that an extreme ‘open-mindedness’ was required.
Ambulance crews reported on Monday that a young journalist, Stephen Brookman (26), suffered what doctors are referring to as a ‘ruptured cranial exposure‘ after attempting the ‘open-minded’ requirement.
Lisa Davies, the editor of the SMH, fronted the media to explain the situation.
“We are, of course, all shocked and saddened by the news of Stephen’s accident.”
“It seems that there has been a growing problem among mainstream journalism where they seem to push themselves beyond any limits of logic and reasonable reporting.”
“Unfortunately, it now appears that Stephen attempted to be so open-minded that all rational capability literally dropped out of him.”
The ACCC has slapped a fine of almost $200,000 on SMH for misleading marketing and failing their duty of care towards their staff.
Ms Davies apologised for the confusion on behalf of SMH, and pledged to be more transparent in the future.
“We recognise that our campaign for ‘open-mindedness’ may have been misunderstood by some of our staff and readers.”
“What we really meant by ‘open-minded’ was that all journalists should endeavor first and foremost to be ‘anti-faith, anti-west and anti-conservative’.”
“We thought that was obvious, but it turns out that we might need to be a bit more prescriptive about the boundaries and expectations of open-mindedness so accidents like this don’t happen again.”
It is further reported that doctors are hopeful that even without his brain, Stephen Brookman may yet recover, and maybe even one day be able to run for public office.