QLD Parliament party hard after finally making it legal to kill the sick and elderly

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BRISBANE, QLD – Massive celebrations have broken out among QLD politicians after they finally passed legislation to kill the sick and elderly.

The several day-long party began the moment Queensland legalised extreme euthanasia laws during State Parliament on Thursday.

“Yeeeaaaahhhh boooooiiii,” yelled Deputy Premier Steven Miles while jumping up and down on the Parliament Speaker’s bench.

“I can’t believe we finally did it!! We been trying so hard to dispose of the depressing burdens in our society and now we can!

“The health system is going to save so much money, long-term pensions are going to be freed up.”

“Plus it’s a great way to stop COVID spreading throughout those pesky nursing homes.”

“Hey Anna, my turn next with the voluntary assisted beer bong!!”

Gertrude Hazelton, a 89-year-old great grandmother from Ascot, was asked by Damascus Dropbear what she thought of the bill.

“Well, all those lovely young politicians seem so happy so I guess it can’t be a bad thing.”

“I guess they know best, and if they are encouraging me to move along then I perhaps it is my time.”

“The Government doctor has even said I can push the button myself which is really quite sweet.”

It is further reported that an ambulance had to be called after the QLD Minister for Health, Y’Vette D’Ath, attempted to snort cocaine that was intentionally laced with small amounts of the euthanasia drug, Nembutal.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more health updates. For further discussion about euthanasia, see this piece by bioethicist Megan Best.

The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

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