Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
Public library removes ‘white privilege’ Shakespeare literature
HOBART, TASMANIA – A public library in Tasmania has announced they will no longer stock works by the English playwright William Shakespeare due to his ‘oppressive white privilege perspective‘.
It comes at a time when a number of academics have raised concerns about Shakespeare’s alleged promotion of misogyny, racism, and homophobia.
“Well, we had a meeting where we voted on whether the ban was to be, or not to be,” Library Director, Tamora Regan, explained.
“It turns out it was not to be, and we cried havoc and let slip the dogs of cancel culture.”
“Therefore now is the winter of our woken discontent – and we look forward to the violent delights and violent ends of our upcoming book barbeque.”
However, one of Shakespeare’s direct descendents, Bill Shakespeare the fifthteenth, was outraged at the slander against his great ancestor.
“What’s in a skin colour? Surely skin by any other shade would smell as sweet.”
“I wish to remind the library that all that is privileged is not white.”
“Some are born white, some achieve whiteness, and some have whiteness thrust upon them.”
Mr Shakespeare XV has also indicated he will be looking to sue the library for defamation, making this public plea:
“A Lawyer! A Lawyer! My kingdom for a lawyer!”
A number of distraught university drama students have also been observed wandering the library in tears, crying out again and again:
“Shakespeare, Shakespeare! Wherefore art thou Shakespeare.”
To date, however, there have been no recorded complaints from high school English pupils.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more literature. For further discussion around book banning, see this piece by Eternity News.
