Pentecostal University students barricade themselves inside chapel ‘until Holy Spirit released’
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President Biden reportedly confused as to why Gandalf shaved his beard
VATICAN, ROME – Reports are coming out that US President Joe Biden, in his first meeting with Pope Francis, mistakenly assumed he was actually talking with the fictional character Gandalf, from the Lord of the Rings series.
The Pope and Biden spent 90 minutes conversing behind closed doors, but there appears to be evidence that the President failed to fully grasp the significance of the event.
“I mean, I almost didn’t recognise him without the long hair and beard,” indicated the President to Damascus Dropbear after the session.
“I can only assume that Gandalf the White lost it as part of his epic battle with the evil Sau-Trump to secure my Presidency.”
“I must admit I was kinda disappointed, as I had been wondering for a long time what his hair actually smelt like.”
“The meeting was great though, really great. We just smoked long pipes and talked all about hobbit feet for a good hour.”
Pope Francis on the other hand expressed that, although he was delighted to meet President Biden, he didn’t think they covered all they needed to.
“He is clearly a lovely man and gave me lots of compliments about my fireworks, but I’m not sure his light were all on if you know what I mean.”
“I asked him about his faith, and he said he was a Catholic, but I do not think he really had a strong understanding of what that meant.”
“Besides being convinced that it was his duty to abort as many children as possible, he expressed his firm belief that Jesus would return from Rohan with Treebeard any day now to deal with climate change.”
“He also got quite upset when I turned down his request to provide him with one of the lesser rings of power.”
It is further reported that President Biden went on a tour of St. Peter’s Basilica after the meeting, but then lay down and refused to move for several hours, claiming he’d been poisoned by a giant spider sent by the Chinese.
Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for more Catholic news. To read more about what Joe Biden believes, see this piece in the Gospel Coalition.
