Premier encourages euthanasia to protect aged-care residents from COVID-19 outbreak

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MELBOURNE, VICTORIA – Premier Daniel Andrews today announced the use of euthanasia laws on Melbourne’s aged-care residents in order to combat the latest outbreak of COVID-19.

The Voluntary Assisted Dying Act came into effect in Victoria in June 2019, and the Government said they were excited to incorporate the new ‘life-saving restriction’.

“Today we registered the most new cases in a single day – we have got to get this virus under control.” Premier Andrews explained.

“International reports have indicated that aged-care homes are at the greatest risks of an outbreak. We have to ensure that our most vulnerable citizens are protected, and that is why we need to utilise these new euthanasia laws. If we don’t, people will die.”

The Premier indicated the rationale behind the decision was to slow the rate of infection.

“People over 80 are at the highest risk of critical infection and contagion from COIVD19, and our aged care homes are over-crowded. Unless we are able to stop the spread through euthanasia, people will die.”

“Therefore from midday tomorrow, the Government will be dispatching medical professionals into elderly communities for the administration of the lethal drug to volunteers.”

“Let me state, however, that if not enough people volunteer then we will be utilising emergency legislative measures to introduce the ‘Mandatory Assisted Dying Act‘. If we don’t, people will die.”

Opposition Leader, Michael O’Brien, expressed confusion at the move. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”.

It is further reported that there will be a new slogan connected to the restriction introduced for Victorian license plates. The 2013 slogan ‘VIC – Stay Alert, Stay Alive” will be updated to “VIC – Stay Alive, Euthanise“.

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