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Premier Andrews hospitalised for fall after finally leaning too far to the left
MORNINGTON PENINSULA, VIC – It has been revealed that the accident which hospitalised Premier Daniel Andrews was actually caused by the Premier’s unusual posture of leaning too far to the left.
The fall, which occurred yesterday at Premier Andrew’s holiday home on the Mornington Peninsula, is said to have caused damage to his back and ribs, and he has been moved to Victoria’s leading trauma centre.
Colleagues passed on their best wishes for his speedy recovery, but also indicated they were unsurprised by the accident.
“A couple of us have been warning Daniel that if he kept bending leftward to such a degree he would ultimately topple over completely,” Deputy Premier James Merlino explained.
“For the last few years his stance has leaned further and further leftward on euthanasia, LGBTI+ issues, abortion, and restricting religious freedom.”
“It was only a matter of time, but we will pray for his speedy recovery and restoration of balance.”
It is further reported that Premier Andrews has received a significant blood transfusion from a O-positive conservative donor, and is feeling much more stable. He released a statement this morning:
“Cath, the kids and I are extremely grateful to those clinicians who have taken care of me, and we pass on our sincere thanks those who have sent messages of love and support.”
“Fundamentally, I think all I need a is traditional recovery, and I’m sure the natural law of my body will provide the freedom for gradual movement.”
“I’m confident I will be ‘right as rain’ in no time.”
The Damascus Dropbear dropped by the Premier’s hospital bed to pray for healing, and discovered the Premier using his time to devour a range of history books. He indicated that when he returns he will be stronger than ever and eager to ‘make Victoria great again‘.