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Premier Andrews Denies Claim he Dressed a Christian Woman up as a Nazi in order to burn her
MELBOURNE, VIC – Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has denied claims he dressed up a woman to look like a Nazi in order to burn her.
The situation arose after weekend protests where male Neo-Nazi protestors march through a women’s rights event, with some people obviously getting confused between the two.
The Premier graciously explained to Damascus Dropbear how he became involved.
“It all started when some of my more active constituents brought me a Christian woman who they claimed was a Nazi and asked if they could burn her,” Premier Andrews said.
“I of course said that we do not tolerate Nazis in our society – and because she looked like one I told them they had my full support.”
However the woman, one Moria Deeming MP, has claimed that it was actually Premier Andrews who dressed her up in the Nazi clothes.
“This is outrageous! He put these things on me.”
“He put me in a black uniform, tied on a swastika armband, and even drew a little Hitler mustache on my face.”
“Just because I am a Christian and hold that transgender women aren’t women doesn’t make me a Nazi.”
When these claims were put to the Premier and his lacky, Liberal leader John Pesutto, they denied them categorically.
“No, we didn’t, no, yes, well…a bit,” said the uncertain Premier.
“We did do the mustache… and the swastika… but she’s still a Nazi.”
“However, we knew that some people might need more convincing and so that’s why we also weighed her.”
“Turns out she weighs exactly the same as Hitler’s two dogs.”
“Plus she turned me into a weasel,” Pesutto chimed in.
“She’s a Nazi – Burn her!!”
As the flames licked around the stake and the smoke rose into the air, the Premier and Pesutto stood back and watched with smug smiles on their face as they felt confident that they had rid Victoria of all evil, authoritarian influences.
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