Premier Andrews announces plan to self-inject pandemic super powers over livestream

Share via:

SPRING ST, VICTORIA – Premier Daniel Andrews has boasted that not only will he pass his new pandemic super-powers, he is going to self administer the laws on live TV.

The new laws – which would give the Premier the power to declare a pandemic whenever he feels like it – were pushed through the lower house last month.

There have been ongoing protests outside the Parliament due to concerns the Premier might literally become an actual super-villain if getting the legislation through.

Damascus Dropbear caught up with the Premier to ask about the need for the new powers.

“Look, absolute power is like a drug,” the Premier growled with a hungry look in his eye.

“When you have had a taste, you are always going to want more, and this bill is gonna be like pure smack.”

“Therefore, once we pass the law, I’m going to liquify the bill and inject it straight into my veins.”

“And to all those doubters, and naysayers and freedom-lovers – I’m gonna make them fricken’ watch.”

Some medical professionals have expressed concerns however as to the effects of the injection.

“I don’t think our bodies or minds were made to handle that much power without some kind of corruption of the vital organs,” reported Dr Bridgette Stewart of the Accountable Medicines Unit.

“There also could be unfortunate side effects where the patient becomes more aggressive, less rational, and develop increasing desires for others free will.”

“Humans were not made to have the authority of God, and as we saw in the first instance there are always unintended consequences.”

However, the Chief Medical Officer, Dr Brett Sutton, has given his full endorsement of the Premier’s power injection while hanging from his cage in the corner of the Premier’s office.

Sign up to the Damascus Dropbear for further super-villain news. For further discussion around absolute power and Jesus, see this piece by Faith Rethink.


The Damascus Dropbear exists to develop satirical news which helps people laugh, then think, about theology, culture, church and politics from a biblical worldview. Our mission is to help others to engage with the Bible, explore questions around religion, and ultimately see Christian principles and ethics inform our society. If you would like to support our project click here.

Most Popular